I started one for my art glass. Equipment, glass, etc. So, I am posting the link here. No pressure. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/healing-through-glass/x/3447213
It has been forever.
Got hospitalized in a psych ward due to anxiety and depression. Meds adjusted. Waiting for them to work.
I am making a lovely Dresden plate quilt. Mostly in purples, creams, etc. With creamy light yellow honeycomb batik in there too. It might take me a long time, but it will be worth it. It will be imperfect, but amazing.
Last entry I made, we were going to San Fran. We had to cancel then, but we are going in early January. I cannot wait. I think John will love it up there.
House trouble, but it's getting sorted out nicely.
Scoop51 bought me a garden gnome today.
A canker sore is making my life a misery the past few days. Pain triggers anxiety for me.
I love the magazine "Where Women Create". Some of it is pretty precious, but I love the fact that a magazine about feminine creative spaces exists. I am planning my future studio. For some reason, I want a daybed in it, with a handmade quilt on it for when I want to lounge and read art books, or any book, really. So visitors can lounge on it and visit while I work.
I love books.
I love John.
I love Vespa.
I love the photo apps on my phone.
I love liquid amber trees.
I love my parents and in-laws.
I love my sisters and their families.
I love my house, though it is more of a place in my heart where John lives. If we moved, I would feel the same way about that house. Probably.
In the end of February, we had this horrible weekend at our home in Crestline. We got caught in a storm. Our car got caught in the snow and we waited and froze for hours in the middle of the night. We finally got driven home by a sherrif. The power went out, along with the heat. My cell phone died. Except for a few minutes on a neighbor's cell, we had no communication. We froze some more. AAA/local towing company repeatedly fucked us over. It was the worst experience we ever had.
So, Sometime next year we are selling the place and moving back down "the hill". We will gladly take a smaller house to do this.
I am waiting to see if I got into a medical billing program at the local community college. I need a job in the healthcare profession that isn't hands-on patient care, and this fits the bill just fine. For the longest time, whenever I saw a job ad that required "attention to detail", I would tell myself "No, that isn't me, etc..." I have to come to realize about myself that this is 100 % not true. I am VERY detail oriented. Why did I tell myself for so long that I am not?
It's been forever. I got stuck on FB.
I got bariatric surgery. Still losing weight. I expect to reach goal sometime in late summer or early fall.
Still making stuff out of glass.
Taking a children's lit class.
In the past few years, I have been dealing with rip-roaring anxiety attacks. It is getting better, though.
I had a nasty knee injury recently that had me rather immobile. They took 100 ml of fluid out and shot steroids in my knee and now it's all better.
When you doodle, what shapes, patterns, and/or creatures do you find yourself drawing? What do you think it says about you?
I often doodle various medieval style chalice(s)/goblets. What does it say? I'm not sure. I know I am better with still life. I like decorative arts. And I find items based on various elipses easier to draw. I guess that's it! I also draw bunches of grapes, peacock feathers and cats.
It's been a really long time since I have written anything of consequence here.
Since about May, I have been preparing for bariatric surgery. I am getting the vertical sleeve gastrectomy. I am losing weight so that the surgery will be safer. I have acheived the 10% they suggest losing, and then some. I will continue what I am doing until surgery, I guess. Lots of carb counting and protein shakes.
We are taking care of some house things before fall and winter set in in the mountains. We are having the chimney looked at and cleaned before we start building fires. Throwing things away, re-arranging some things, cleaning, etc. Weather permitting, we will be hosting our first Christmas at our house for John's family. If money were no object, I would be getting a new stove/oven too, as mine dries everything out. It came with the house. I want a convection oven. My Mother-In-Law has one and it works beautifully. We also want to put in some hooks for stockings. I know they have those stocking holders you can get, but they charge and arm and a leg for them, I don't want to store them, and out mantle is shaped in a way that it would be hard to notice the hooks in the first place.
I am on a psoriasis med that is working wonders.
I got laser hair removal. Two treatments and it has already changed my outlook so much. Best thing I have ever done.
Last year, around November, the shit hit the fan and I started having these horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I was pretty much nonfunctional for a while. It was hard. I am on better meds and have Kaiser now, which is really awesome. But it is still something I struggle with.
That is about it for now.
Is there a particular moment or event in your life that you reflect on most? Why was it so important, and how did it shape you?
Sitting in the dim chapel of the hospital, there was a circular faux stained glass window of a crane in the wall. I looked there instead of at my instructor. It hurt too much. We were sitting on the kind of couch you see in medical waiting rooms, all purple, gray, and soft edges. Once in a while, a doctor was paged over the intercom. My uniform was stiff and white, my feet were already hurting from a morning of ineptitude. A balled up klennex was in my hand and I had already blown enough snot and tears into it to make it useless.
Clinical hadn't gone well for me. There were many factors. But my borderline abusive instructor had finally decided it wasn't going to get any better. I was to come to an exit interview tomorrow at the college. There, I would sign a document stating that I understood why I was being shitcanned from the nursing program.
The conversation went in circles.
I was finally let go and I walked to my car.
I called several people, crying.
They said "maybe he will have changed his mind."
No. He does not change his mind. He is never wrong.
I cried some more. All the fear and tension broke out of me in waves. I drove home and showered. And slept.
Nowadays things are better, but in a different way. I still don't have a definite path, but my art is a hundred times what it was when I last sat in that chapel.
1. We are still settling into life at the new place. Still nesting.
2. We have Kaiser and so far the care has been really great. Well, except for the endometrial biopsy attempt that had me in such pain and panic that I took an Ativan and called it a day. Fuck, that was horrible.
3. Taking a stained glass class. Really excited about that.
4. The newest kitty (got her in August I think) has chosen me. She loves John too, but she comes to me first. She is a petite calico with the prettiest markings ever. And she is sooo soft. And she purrs like crazy. We lucked out with her. Her claws need a trim, though.
5. Taken up indigo dyeing. At least, on some weekends. This weekend I will be too busy cleaning to do any, sadly.
6. Anxiety is turning me into a worthless lump.
7. Been addicted to reading lately. Even if it is a book I have read 100 times.
8. "Disintegration" has been on heavy rotation on my iPod lately.
9. We just passed our first winter in the mountains. In case you are unaware, learning to drive in snow SUCKS.
10. It is time for me to go back to bed.
The rain and wind here is fierce. And the house doesn't help...it's super noisy. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes it's too much. When we are upstairs it pounds on the skylights... when we are downstairs we can hear it on the plants, decking, eaves, etc.
We have started the slow process of having our fruit crate labels framed for the dining room. When we can afford it, we will do one a month. For some reason, I don't have pics of those yet.
Anyway, some photos from around the new place. More to come soon.
( Read more...Collapse )